One's a Genius, One's a Pyromaniac
by Theboblinator
Summary: (Collab with Anime PJ) In which two friends are summoned into the world of Familiar of Zero, one willingly, the other by a choice made on a whim. The result will be the land of Halkegenia changing in ways unforeseen... Though, when one brings his previous world's knowledge, and the other gains the ability to control fire at will, what else is expected? (OC x Louise) (OC x Kirche)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The Difference Between Curiosity and Resignation**

* * *

It was a normal day at the Tristain Academy for Magic. The air was clear, the sun shining down on the academy in a clear, cloudless sky, the wind blowing softly over the plains surrounding it, while the students remained inside the walls, learning all different types of magic from their teachers. The servants went about the Academy, serving the nobility and taking care of the chores, and a loud explosion went off in the courtyard. Just another day at the Tristain Academy of Magic.

Said explosion was the result of one student casting a spell in the middle of the courtyard, one Louise Françoise Leblanc de la Vallière. By this point in time, the explosion was a natural, and expected, occurrence whenever she attempted to cast a spell, so the teachers, students and servants alike were used to the sound and tremors happening at least once a day.

At this point, however, Louise was not alone when trying to cast this spell, and was instead in the middle of a large group of students, one of which was standing to her left since they had been casting the same spell beside her. As such, when the explosion occurred, the students closest to her, with the exception of the one beside her, were promptly covered in the dirt thrown up by the explosion, while also being tossed onto their backs due to the force. The ones further away were slightly luckier, only being covered in a bit of dirt, and choking on the smoke created by the blast.

"Told you that was going to happen." One brown-haired boy said, because _God knows_ this was just the time for an "I told you so." Unfortunately, his friend couldn't respond, seeing as he was one of the unlucky ones to be knocked flat on his back by the blast.

A blond student who clearly put a lot of time into his appearance, effectively rendering himself a pretty boy, coughed in the smoke uncomfortably with a hand to his mouth. Noticing the person next to him, a girl with hair a lighter shade of blonde and a fairly large, red bow tied at the back of her head, had fallen down, he knelt in concern to help her up. "Oh, hey, are you alright, Montmorency?" He asked.

The girl, now named Montmorency, did not answer. She was staring at something, her eyes wide in what could be assumed to be shock.

"Huh? Is there something wrong?" The boy asked her, both confused and just the slightest bit worried about her lack of a response to his question.

After a second, Montmorency gave a response, only not the kind that the boy was expecting. Instead of giving a verbal response, she only raised her hand and pointed towards the area that the explosion originated from. The boy followed the direction she was pointing, and looked toward the place where the smoke was slowly starting to dissipate, and when he saw what she was pointing at, he became equally dumbfounded. "What…?" He asked nobody in particular.

On the ground, at the center of where the explosion had originated from, where there had previously only been a patch of grass in front of the two summoners currently at work, there were two people lying on the ground. Both were clearly dazed, though one more so than the other. The one that was more out of it appeared to have fallen from the sky, based on the slight indent in the ground where he laid, whereas the other seemed to have simply lost his balance in surprise.

"...Humans?" One person in the gathered crowd asks in confusion. This was understandable, since before this, every entity that had been summoned by the students in the courtyard had been some kind of animal, whether as common as a frog, or rare as a dragon.

"Look how they're dressed!"Another pointed out. "They look like a couple of peasants!"

"Yeah, peasants." This was the same blond boy from before, having now gotten over the shock of humans appearing in the middle of the courtyard. His tone was heavily laced with mockery. "No doubt about it."

While these comments were being made, Louise's eye twitched as she looked down at the "peasant" she had apparently summoned, seeing as he was closer to her than the person beside her. "This is supposed to be… Divine and beautiful… And wise and… Powerful…?" She said to herself in complete disbelief.

* * *

 **A Few Minutes Prior:**

* * *

Sixteen year old Philip Jonathan Butler, better known to friends and family as PJ (both because that's what his first two initials make, and his dad shared his first name, so it was just easier to remember), was sitting on the revolving chair he had set up just next to his bed and in front of a chest of drawers, on which sat his laptop.

He had pale skin, though not sickly, due to the amount of time his self-admitted anti-social ass spent inside this very bedroom, and the fact that England's weather was very heavy on the rain for the majority of the year. His eyes were dark blue but got significantly lighter in colour as they reached the pupil, and his hair was short, pitch black, and swept to the left. He was wearing a T-shirt depicting Negan from _The Walking Dead_ brandishing his barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat, Lucille, with the words "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" in big white letters, black tracksuit bottoms, and moderately grey trainers with white bottoms.

He had Skype open, but the conversation was relatively slow, so it wasn't really doing much at the moment. He was thinking about just browsing through YouTube for a bit since he was getting bored just sitting there. Maybe he would listen to some music on the mp3 player that sat, wrapped up in the wire of his earphones, in his pocket.

He clicked off Skype, and almost immediately, he caught sight of the reflection of a red glow that certainly hadn't been there before. Startled, he turned around, and saw what could only be described, by his sci-fi and fantasy fanboy of a brain, as a red portal. He spent a lot of time filling his mind with fiction, and he knew a portal when he saw it. This one looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he'd seen it before.

That particular brainwave came _after_ he was startled by the sudden appearance of the portal, tipping himself backwards and toppling the chair over in his surprise. He landed uncomfortably on his rear end. Quickly, he snapped his gaze back up to the portal.

 _Holy shit!_ He thought. This was the sort of thing he'd seen in movies, anime, and books (mostly the books), but having an actual _portal_ just pop up behind you in your bedroom is bound to leave you somewhat at a loss for words. Philip took a second to compose himself, stood up, tried to rub the ache out of the area he'd landed on, and trained his eyes on the portal distrustfully. On one hand, this could very well be a portal to one of those post-apocalyptic wasteland-looking worlds that would get him killed a few seconds after arrival. On the other… Well, curiosity killed the cat, and Philip had three cats, so he supposed they were rubbing off on him.

 _...Am I really going to stick my head in that?_ He asked himself. After a moment, he decided that the answer was yes. Yes, he was. _Well, suicidal stupidity, here I come._

He walked cautiously to the portal. After a moment of hesitation, he gingerly stuck his head forward to see what was on the other side… And was promptly pulled through by some force or another, and he found that he _really_ wanted to curse someone out.

The last thing he heard was the Skype notification noise.

* * *

For one seventeen year old Roy D. Butler, his day was going fairly normally. He'd woken up, ate breakfast, gone to school, gotten through most classes without a problem (Though history was always a bit difficult since the way it was taught bored him to no end, and as a result he couldn't focus very well), finished up his homework at home, then decided to go for a walk around the block and listen to music in an attempt to think up ideas for his past-time as a FanFiction writer.

Roy had slightly pale Caucasian skin, since he didn't _usually_ go outside, light blue eyes, and brown hair that reached just past his ears. Currently, he was wearing slightly worn down black shoes, dark blue jeans that were starting to gain a few holes in the knee areas, a plain grey T-shirt, as well as a black leather jacket that had a inner layer with a hood attached in order to keep him warm whenever a particularly cool breeze of wind brushed over him.

While walking, he was also occasionally checking his Skype, and having a slow-going conversation with his friend PJ. Switching to a new song, he thought of how it could fit into a story or two of his, and how he could possibly write a scene in such a way where his readers could enjoy the song while reading the action. He knew it would never be the same as an OST playing during an animated scene, but he liked to try his best.

Unfortunately for him, these plans would be put on the backburner for an undisclosed amount of time, due to the green glow that he saw in front of him after looking up from his phone. And after a couple seconds of looking at what was causing this glow, his shoulders slumped as he gave a sigh of resignation. After all, how could he not recognize the portal from the second episode of the very first anime he'd watched?

 _No chance of getting out of this either. I've seen how_ that _went in plenty stories. This thing will probably just chase me till I fall into it at some point._ He laments to himself, resigned to the hand that fate had apparently dealt him at this time. _...Doesn't mean I'll be a masochistic bitch like Saito though._ He admits to himself as he opens up the internet on his phone, and starts a google search, the portal floating lazily in front of him, almost like it knew he had no intention of ignoring it for long.

Finding what he was looking for, he took a screenshot, before going back to his skype conversation, and typing a quick message to his friend, before sending the photo he just took as well. Shutting off his music and the screen, and placing his earbuds and phone into his pockets, Roy gave another sigh. "Welp, let's get this over with." He mutters out loud, before walking forwards and stepping into the portal, thinking about the last message he'd just sent to his friend.

 _See you in a year or so as long as I don't die. Turns out I'm taking this guy's place for a while. -_-_

 _(Picture of Saito Hiraga)_

* * *

 **Back in the Present:**

* * *

Lying on the ground, Roy let out a groan as pain spread throughout his entire body. "...Was kinda hoping since I'm not Saito, I wouldn't have to take the skydive… Wishful thinking I guess." He mutters to himself, placing one hand on his head in an attempt to dull the pain, while his other attempted to help push himself up onto his knees.

Philip, on the other hand, took one look around at his surroundings and…

"SON OF A -" **BEEP** "-CHEWING F-" **BEEP** "-MONSTER! WHY THE F-" **BEEP** "-DOES ALL THIS F-" **BEEP** "-S-" **BEEP** "-HAPPEN TO ME!? F-" **BEEP** "-MY LIFE! ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY MISERABLE F-" **BEEP** "-ING CLODS! LIKE THIS WHOLE WORLD, JUST LIKES TO BEND ME OVER, AND F-" **BEEP** "-ME IN THE A-" **BEEP** "-S! LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF SH-" **BEEP** "-RECEPTACLE! WELL AS FAR AS I CARE, THESE MISERABLE C-" **BEEP** "-CAN HAVE A F-" **BEEP** "-BARBEQUE, WITH A GOD DAMN PIG!"

His tirade was brought to an end as Roy finally managed off the alarm that had suddenly gone off on his phone. One that he had originally set to go off at the time he should return to his house to actually work on his stories… It was kind of useless now though.

Having finally aired his frustrations to a crowd who couldn't understand a word he was saying (going by the pitch and the fact that they thought him a commoner, though, most assumed his language to be of the colourful variety), Philip took an actual look around to take in his situation. Seeing the magical students around him, plus the castle, he could think of only one thing to say, and it came straight out of his mouth with no inhibitions whatsoever. "Oh, look, it's shit Hogwarts."

Roy, hearing this, gave an automatic response without truly thinking about the fact that he was hearing a familiar voice, or that said voice had just aired his anger and frustrations in the form of a reference he recognized. "Correction, it's discount anime Hogwarts." He stated casually. It took a few seconds afterwards, but when he actually realized who he heard, his eyes widened in shock and he turned in the direction the voice had come from to see his friend, who he'd only ever seen on his laptop's screen before now. "...Phil?"

Philip turned his head in the direction of Roy's familiar voice. He blinked a few times. "...Roy?" He asked.

"...So, what color was your portal?" Roy asks in a slight daze, his mind still trying to catch up with what was happening, so he asked a slightly random question that only partially had to do with what was currently happening.

"Red." Philip responded. "Thought I was still seeing it when I landed, 'cause everything was red. Turned out, that was just my unyielding rage at the kidnapping."

Having listened to Phil's explanation, Roy managed to sort out his rampid thoughts after a few seconds, and promptly gave his friend a deadpan look as the two of them ignored the discussions taking place between Louise, the redhead beside her, and the bald adult a few meters away. "You touched it, didn't you?" He asks in a monotone voice.

"...I tried to stick my head through to see what was on the other side." He said with great hesitation and embarrassment.

In response to Phil's answer, Roy gave the only response he could… He facepalmed at his friend's stupidity. "Dumbass." He mutters from beneath his hand.

"Well, fuck you, too, Mr. Definitely-Just-Walked-Into-It."

"...Counter Point. I _knew_ what was going to happen. I also knew that escaping it was impossible. Therefore, I am exempt from that, because I didn't go sticking my head into a _random_ portal, that I knew _nothing_ about." Roy states with yet another deadpan expression on his face.

"So, what you're telling me, is that you decided to give in and be fate's bitch rather than at least _trying_ to do things your way?" Philip paused. "Might've been a bit of a mean way to put it, but the point still stands. I've always planned on going out the way I came in: Kicking, screaming, and covered in someone else's blood."

"...Mean way to put it, yes. But also fair from your point of view. On the other hand, I accepted the _situation_ fate handed me… Doesn't mean for a fucking second I'm gonna go the same route Saito did." Roy states with a shrug.

"Well, thank the gods for that."

Their attention was then drawn by the sounds of bickering, though it was not an argument either of them could understand. They recognised the language as French, but since neither of them could speak it, besides the very obvious _bonjour_ and _merci_ , what was actually being said remained a mystery. Though considering the argument was between two girls who they recognized, and they knew the situation they were in, they could make a partial guess.

The one they recognised as Louise was a rather petite girl, one they knew to refer to as a loli (though _definitely_ not to her face), with hair and eyes that were both pink. She, like the other students, was wearing her school uniform, which consisted of a white button-up skirt with the school's emblem on the collar, a short black skirt, and a long black cape. She also wore a pair of long black stockings that reached her thighs and a pair of black shoes. She was glaring at the other girl, known by Roy and Philip to be Kirche, and kept passing glances at Roy that were both aggressive and disappointed.

 _...Definitely need to work on that first. I_ refuse _to be a slave, whether she realizes that's how she'd be treating me or not._ Roy thinks to himself, recognizing the look she was giving him as one that she constantly gave Saito near the beginning of the series.

Kirche was also easily recognisable. Her skin was tanned quite dark, and her hair was vividly red. Her eyes were brown. She wore the uniform like everyone else, though the school emblem didn't look like it was on the collar like it did on the others due to… _Difficulties_ her admirable body caused in buttoning up her shirt all the way. The way she looked at Louise had a very visible air of superiority about it. But whenever she looked at Philip, that grin seemed to carry _whole_ other meanings.

 _...Could've been worse._ Philip decided, though not without an _extreme_ amount of nervousness. People he was comfortable with, he could handle with confidence as well as snark (mostly snark), but people he'd never met… As beautiful as she was, he knew this was going to take a while. Hell, her beauty was going to make it _worse_. This girl was so out of his league it was like looking at two different species.

"...So basically, what I'm taking from this is that my first kiss is gonna be with Megumin 1.0, Tsundere-Model… _Joy_." Roy comments with a roll of his eyes, not bothering to lower his voice since he knew no-one but Phil could understand him.

Philip took another glance at Kirche, then looked back at Roy. "I think I'm okay with this." He said.

In response to Phil's comment, Roy could only give him a deadpan look, before blinking as he finally realized something about their situation that he should've realized the second he looked around. "Hey, wait a second… You're anime…" He comments, before looking down at his hands. " _I'm_ anime…" He continues in shock. After a few seconds of silence, noting that Phil was also finally noticing the change in their appearance, Roy realized something about this situation. "...We're anime." He repeats.

"Uh, yeah? I heard you the first time. You don't-" Unfortunately, Phil was cut off seconds later as Roy promptly gripped his throat and proceeded to strangle him without a hint of regret.

"Meaning I can choke you till you're blue for that comment and not worry about you dying!" He exclaims to his friend as he both squeezes Phil's throat, and shakes him like a ragdoll in response to Phil's snark at their differing situations.

Philip, for his part, couldn't help but be reminded of Homer choking Bart in _The Simpsons_. He sincerely hoped this wouldn't be as long a running gag as it was in that show.

Roy's strangling of Philip stopped only when he noticed something about their onlookers. "...Phil, am I the only one seeing the question marks above their heads?"

"...I honestly thought that was a hallucination from lack of air." Philip responded.

After a few more seconds, during which Roy released Phil so he could breathe normally again, the two see Louise and Kirche making their way over to them. The looks on the two girl's faces couldn't be anymore different, and both boys realized this. Whereas Louise now had a look of aggravation, slight depression, and acceptance, Kirche on the other hand had a wide grin on her face that made Philip swallow in nervousness. He got the feeling he was about to look something like a steam train.

"...Now I don't know whether I should envy you… Or be glad that I won't be at risk of having broken hips within the next couple days." Roy states with a raised eyebrow, looking out of the corner of his eyes at Phillip as the two in front of them start to chant, the only thing the two boys able to recognize out of their speeches being the girl's respective names.

"Enjoy the hay, Roy." Philip said in a level voice. "I'm sure you'll find it comfortable."

"...Eh, I'll stay up till two writing down random notes or something on my phone. I'll be tired enough it'll be comfortable to me by then. I can do this the next couple days till I run out of battery power, but by then I should have talked her into giving me _something_ resembling a mattress or something." Roy responds with a shrug and the smallest hints of a smirk.

"I hope it has bugs. _Bugs_."

"I slept in the basement before I ended up here. Bug's won't be anything new to me."

"...I really fucking hate you sometimes."

"Eh, this is only one of the few times I can out-snark you. You still hold the crown."

"Baby, you know it."

"...Never say that to me again." Roy said to Phil with narrowed eyes. He may have recognized the reference to Cell from DBZA… But the situation was _totally_ different. Only a few seconds later, the boy's attention was brought back to the two girls in front of them, who had finally finished their chants.

For Roy, he watched as Louise knelt on the ground, a frown still present on her face as their faces got closer together, the pinkette closing her eyes when she was inches away, Roy deciding to stay still and let her continue, since he figured closing the distance himself and finishing the ritual would _not_ be appreciated by the Tsundere-Loli in front of him. Seeing as this was his first kiss, he wasn't really sure if it was considered "good" or "bad" when Louise's lips eventually met his own. Though he supposed the best description, based on what he's read in the past, would be that it was "chaste".

Philip, for his part, looked at the approaching Kirche with equal parts excitement and terror. _Just keep calm._ He told himself. _This is gonna feel really good. Great, even. Just don't panic, don't you panic, DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING PANIC!_ He couldn't help it. He was panicking. _Holy shit, I'm about to be snogged by a sexy redhead… Ha! Take that, little brother! I_ didn't _have to pay for it! But holy shit, what if she doesn't like it? What if I fuck up? What if-_ His excitement and his anxiety stopped duelling when Kirche pressed her lips against his, and for a brief moment, he felt like his face was being eaten off. He'd never had someone else's tongue in his mouth before. By the time she separated, his prediction had come true. Red filled Philip up like liquid, he felt hot in a way that had nothing to do with being kissed by a fire witch, and steam was pouring out of his ears and into the air. The only thing missing was-

 **CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

...That.

"...Well if choking you out earlier didn't prove it, your beat red skin, swirling eyes, constant steam from your ears and that sound sure did. Anime Laws are a thing here." Roy states with a raised eyebrow and smirk.

"Error. Error. Error." Philip said over and over. "Philip has failed to open. Reboot required."

In response to Philip's mental breakdown, Roy could only laugh in amusement… Unfortunately, said laughter was promptly cut off only seconds later when he felt himself start to get a bit warm. "...Ahhh, fuck." He states. "This… Is gonna hurt like a bitch." He continues as the heat rises. At first, it only felt like he was lying under heavy covers in bed while the heat was on in his room. However as the seconds passed, the heat got worse. Changing to feel like he was standing in front of an active oven, then like he was _inside_ the oven, until the only thing he could think to compare the heat to would be standing inside the middle of a burning building, in which the flames were so hot they were borderline white in color.

However, that wasn't the end of it. Then came the slight prickling on the back of his left hand. At first the kind of tingling you'd feel if you sat on your hand long enough and it fell asleep, then the feeling raised so that it almost felt like he was being poked by needles, then it started to become pain, like he was being stabbed by said needles, until finally the back of his hand started to glow as the pain raised to a level he felt like his hand was being stabbed in a pattern by multiple thin swords at a constant rate.

"GAAAAAHHHH! I TAKE BACK EVER THINKING AT ANY POINT THAT SAITO WAS WEAK DURING THIS PART! IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!" Roy exclaimed through the pain he was feeling. He almost wanted to pass out, but unfortunately, he couldn't. He _wished_ he could just slip away into the cool, blissful darkness of unconsciousness, but the pain was just too bad.

The agony invaded all his senses, made it so that it was the only thing he could focus on, and as a result, kept him from letting go of it. Roy knew that it only lasted a few seconds, but those seconds felt like hours to him from the pain he was going through. When it finally faded, he fell onto his back in the grass, his vision unfocused, and his hand twitching every few seconds. The remnants of pain occasionally making themselves known.

Philip wasn't fairing much better. The sudden heating up had snapped him out of his brain's impersonation of a crashing computer and straight into gritting his teeth. Now his brain was doing an impression of a man stuck in a house fire, and he certainly wouldn't argue against the accuracy of the comparison. When it became apparent that the heat was only getting worse, he actually put a hand in his mouth to bite down on, drawing blood after a few seconds. This… This felt like what he suspected falling into one of the fires his family sometimes started on their balcony (in relative safety and with the proper equipment, naturally). Being _near_ those fires could get unbearable at times, but now he felt like he was _in_ one. Making it even worse was the way the heat actually seemed to be pushing _out_ of him at the back of his right shoulder. He felt as though the skin were cracking open, though in the back of his mind, his logical side told him that's not how heat works. Everyone took a step back in shock when the part of his shirt that covered his right shoulder suddenly went up in actual flames.

He tried not to cry out, which was relatively easy given that he currently had his left hand clutched in his teeth, but an incredibly pained growl ripped its way out of his throat. He was incredibly, _horribly_ aware of the fact that there was fire originating from his body. His blood felt like it was literally boiling in his veins. It probably was. Glancing down, he could even see little bubbles appearing and popping in the blood being drawn from the hand he was biting. His teeth burned on it. At that moment, Philip Butler was an erupting volcano that could only damage itself.

And then, as suddenly as it began, it was all over. His heart stopped pumping fire through his veins and went back to pumping blood. The sudden drop in temperature had much the same effect, only opposite, and the sudden cooling felt freezing for just how rapid it was. Philip fell forward so that he was lying facedown on the ground, not passing out but still losing balance, breathing heavily.

The two lay on the ground in pain beside each other, one staring up at a sky they couldn't clearly see, and the other hardly able to see anything but the dirt and grass beneath them, but both equally unable to do much more than breathe in the air around them. Meanwhile, the crowd around them was still in shock, considering these kinds of reactions to the runes being engraved hadn't happened to any of their familiars. It was always done painlessly, with the only reaction being a slight glow from the runes themselves wherever they appeared.

"...You know his shirt's still on fire." One random student in the crowd pointed out since no one really knew what to say in this situation, referring to Philip's shirt still burning around the area that his runes had been engraved. In response to the student's words, a bluenette in the crowd with glasses and a book in hand, waved the staff she held in her other hand, creating water out of thin air around her, and directed it to the burning fabric, putting out the fire, while also starting to ease any remaining pain that the teen was feeling at the time.

"Cheers." Philip mumbled half heartedly with his face still in the dirt.

"They can't understand you, Phil." Roy reminded him in naught but a slightly pain filled mumble of his own, equally as half heartedly as his friend.

"Oh."

"...That being said, I think I'm gonna take a nap… Wake me up when I'm not hurting anymore…" Roy mutters as his vision starts to darken.

"I'm sure Louise'll whip you out of the hay eventually…" Philip gave one last mutter before he, too, descended into the unconscious.

* * *

If it weren't for the throb of the burn on the back of his shoulder, Philip would have thought he had been having an incredibly vivid dream before waking up. The softness beneath him was most definitely a bed, much better in quality than his own from the feel of it, so it would have made sense to assume he'd just gone to sleep before. As it stood, however, he was laying on his front, something which he _never_ did because he found it uncomfortable, but his shoulder felt like someone had just taken a red-hot poker to it.

 _Why couldn't I just have been de-aged and sent to Hogwarts?_ He asked in his misery-stained mind. _Yeah, I'd have to work all the way through puberty again, but it would still be less painful than this shit._

Deciding that moping was very unbecoming of a pride-filled… Pride-containing… Someone with an _ounce_ of pride… Fuck it, just a guy who didn't want to look like a wimp, he decided to get up. His shoulder was really fighting against this decision, but he showed it its place by sitting up and letting his feet touch the floor. A small victory, but he would take what he could get.

He heard some French being spoken to him by a voice he vaguely recognised, turned his head to the side, and saw Kirche smiling at him, though there was some concern in there, too, which was both nice and surprising to see. Though, he supposed, seeing someone spontaneously combust was probably a cause for concern no matter what universe you were in. Still, when compared to what he remembered of this anime, it came as a pleasant surprise.

"I suppose it's pointless to say this." He began. "But fuck it, I'm going to anyway. Hello, my name is Philip, and I can't understand a bloody word that's coming out of your mouth." He already knew that talking was much easier than it would be when they could finally understand each other… He had never felt more nervous about being able to understand someone than not being able to understand them, but there's a first time for everything.

 _Okay, let's see if I can do it like this._ He thought to himself. He pointed a finger at his own chest. "I." He shook his head. "Can't." He held one arm out and slipped his other arm under it. "Under." He stood up. "Stand." He pointed at her. "You."

He felt like a complete fucking idiot.

But, to his immense surprise, she actually seemed to get the point. She took a short stick that Philip recognised as a wand out and, pointing it at his mouth, something which made him slightly nervous, said even more words that he didn't have a hope in hell of understanding for the time being. There was a bit of a light show in front of him which made him very glad he wasn't epileptic, and then Kirche put her wand away.

"Any better?" She asked.

It was. "Um…" Unfortunately, now that she could understand him, what little confidence he had went on an indefinitely long holiday. "Hi?" He said weakly.

She smirked. "Hi." She said back.

"I, uh…" Philip coughed awkwardly into his hand. "My name is Philip Butler, but most people call me PJ. I'm gonna be honest here… I don't know what the hell is going on."

That was a lie, just in case it wasn't already evident. But it wasn't like he could just start saying "I know _exactly_ what's going on, who you are, and where this is" even if he had the confidence to get out a sentence that long. Even in a place where magic was real, there were certain things that would just universally draw scepticism.

"Well, Philip." Kirche let that last _p_ pop in her mouth. At the very least _she_ seemed to be enjoying this. "My name is Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst, and I summoned you during the Familiar summoning ritual, which makes you my familiar. As my familiar, your main job is to protect me, mostly from monsters, but also from… Let's say _unsavoury_ individuals."

Philip was already shitting bricks. He wouldn't say he was completely _out_ of shape, but he still wasn't the most physically fit guy in the world. Frankly, he was surprised she wasn't laughing even as she said all this. It wasn't like he was morbidly obese. Quite the opposite, in fact, he was rather skinny despite being a big eater. But he had no muscle because the only exercise he got was in PE at school, and he'd never been enthusiastic about that particular lesson.

"But the general gist is that you help me with whatever I need." She continued. "I need food? You bring food. I need my laundry done? You wash my stuff. You get the idea. But it's not like I'm going to make you do all this without a break, or whip you or anything… Though the whipping _could_ be fun." The grin sent shivers down Philip's spine. "I guess another way to put it would be to say you're my magical assistant." Her expression softened a little. "How's the shoulder?"

Philip felt momentarily relieved again. She was showing genuine concern. He reached up instinctively to touch his wound, but withdrew his hand when he felt it sting to touch. "Hurts like an absolute bastard." He admitted. Then he doubled back on himself. "Pardon my French. Uh, no offence. Oh, God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude…"

She waved a hand in a "hey, don't even worry about it" gesture. Then she approached him and got close enough that he became sure he was going to have to point to somewhere on a doll really soon. She looked at him scrutinisingly for a second, then spoke. "You're not half bad." She decided. "Yeah, I think I can work with this." She grinned at his blatant discomfort. "I kinda like the idea of having my own personal shy boy around."

 _Wait until we've known each other long enough._ Philip thought. _I'm sure the sarcasm will kill that image very quickly. ...Though for literally every other aspect of life, yes, she probably has a point._

He wondered where he'd been going with that and decided he didn't know.

Still, she seemed nice… In a sort of "your chastity won't last the week" sort of way. Which he could certainly accept, just not without an abundance of anxiety, shyness, and nerves, all of which basically amounted to the same thing but he couldn't stop thinking about it. "Th-Thanks, I guess…" He muttered. "I… I'll try not to let you down."

"Good, good." She ran her fingertips over his arm. "Now, rest. You were passed out for a while, but you still need sleep. I won't have my familiar dragging himself around like a sloth. I won't let Louise walk around thinking she got the better familiar. Best stay off your back, though, that still needs some time to… Well, to not 'hurt like an absolute bastard,' as you so elegantly put it."

Philip found himself laughing even as he was pushed back down onto the bed. He would have been disappointed that these weren't other circumstances if it wasn't for the constant pain on his shoulder. Then he thought of a question he probably should have asked before. "What's there? What got burned onto my shoulder?"

"It says 'pyro'." Kirche told him. She made a point to say it directly into his ear, so that her warm breath tickled him. "Now, sleep tight."

 _Great._ Philip thought as he felt exhaustion he was unaware of take hold of him. _A burnt shoulder_ and _blue balls. Here's hoping Roy's having a harder time than I am._ He glanced down briefly. _Oh, not harder like_ that _, brain, you dirty bastard._ Then he slept.

* * *

As Philip was falling into a much more peaceful sleep, Roy was finally waking from his own pain-induced loss of consciousness. Unfortunately for him, unlike Phil, he did not wake up in a soft bed. Although he'd pretty much been expecting this considering who his own master was in comparison to who Phil got. _...Still unsure on whether to feel envy or pity for the bastard…_ He thinks to himself as he pushes himself up out of the pile of hay he was lying in, hissing in slight pain at the sting he felt in his left hand at the action. _Guess the pain isn't gone completely yet…_ He muses to himself, shaking the hand in an attempt to somehow alleviate the pain as he looks around the room he's now in.

In all honesty, it was pretty much what he remembered from the anime, despite the fact that it had been years since he last saw it. Although he remembered the existence of a bed, table, and wardrobe, he'd forgotten that there was also a desk with a mirror attached to it beside said wardrobe. Other than that, there really wasn't anything else in the room beside the lit lamp on the table, and the bed of hay he was currently sleeping in… Oh, and the annoyed looking pinkette Tsundere-Loli standing about a meter away.

"...Yo." Roy states with a wave to the pinkette, knowing full-well that she can't understand him, but figured that at least saying "hi" would be better than how Saito first reacted in his situation… Then again, Saito's reaction was probably the reaction that any sane individual who didn't know what was happening to them would have. Although the fact that she responded in what he knew, or rather assumed, to be this word's version of French, he had no idea what her response to his greeting was. After a few seconds, he simply shook his head, and pointed to her, then his ear, and shrugged.

 _There was probably a better way to get across "I can't understand you", but at the moment, this is the best I can think of._ He thinks to himself, thinking that _maybe_ he'll get lucky and this Louise will know how to do a spell that'll translate their languages for each other. For one, he'd rather not have his face blown up so that he could understand her, but at the same time, he'd _really_ like to not need to learn a completely new language... Watching Louise take out her wand, he thought that maybe he _did_ get lucky, as she seemed to say a chant, and point at him… Then the air in front of his face exploded and launched his back into the side of her bed.

A gasp of air and spit escaped his mouth at the sudden impact, and he doubled over coughing in response. He could hear Louise complaining in the background, most likely about failing the spell, but he knew better, and decided to tell her such… Or at least, that's what he had _planned_. Because it took him a few seconds to realize that when trying to get her attention and say _something_ … _Nothing_ escaped his mouth instead. Blinking a few times, he tried to say something else… But instead, remained silent.

 _...Oh you've got to be FUCKING WITH ME! She tried to do the Translation Spell, and instead cast the fucking SILENCING SPELL on me! ...I really should have seen this coming since the opposite happened in canon…_ He laments to himself as the smoke starts to clear to show Loise standing there looking depressed at her apparent failure… Which, compared to what he knew would have originally happened, was actually _worse_ than she probably realized… Or rather, it's worse than what _he_ was expecting, considering Canon-Louise originally wanted Saito to be quiet, for all he knew, if he didn't find a _reason_ for her to cast the "Silencing Spell", he'd be a mute for the rest of his life…

 _Okay… Think. How to get across that I_ need _to speak…_ He wonders to himself, noticing that Louise still appears to be depressed at her failure. _...Guess since she's not in front of anyone, she doesn't have to put up a front of indifference to her failures…_ He realizes. Did he think Canon-Louise was a bitch? ...Absolutely. But let's just say after some thinking he realized something about her actions… Though the realization he had didn't make them anymore acceptable _...For now, I should probably bring the fact that I can't talk to her attention though…_ He thinks, knocking on the floor in an attempt to make Louise look over at him.

The pinkette did so a few seconds later, and in response, Roy promptly pointed at his throat as he opened his mouth, attempting to talk. His mouth clearly moved, but no sound came out. Not even the sound of air exhaling from his lungs. In response, Roy pointed at her, his ears, then his mouth, and shook his head, hoping to convey he still couldn't understand her, and now couldn't talk either. Unfortunately, this only seemed to make Louise feel worse about her failure as her arms slumped. In response, Roy frowned, trying to think of _someway_ to get her to use the "Silencing Spell" in order to make things better on the both of them.

As a result, the next few minutes were spent with silence from both parties. Louise, because she was focused on the fact that she'd failed yet _another_ spell, and one that should've been simpler than any spell involving the elements, while Roy was silent as he tried to think of ways to get to the point they could understand each other. _I don't know French, I don't know written French, and there's no way in hell Louise knows English in any form either, considering how this world is structured… So how the hell do I get around this…?_ He thinks, now leaning against the side of Louise's bed in an effort to fix the problem they were both facing.

As he sat there, he started to tap on the floor with his foot, something of a tick of his whenever he was bored. As he did this, Louise turned to look at him in slight confusion, before after another minute that confusion turned to annoyance and she said something to him that he couldn't understand. Raising an eyebrow, he realized she was most likely telling him to stop that and be quiet. _...Be quiet…_ He thinks, his eyes widening in realization, before flinching. _I try to get off to a good start, and instead that leads to what's probably gonna be a worse start than what Saito had._ He thinks, mentally sighing to himself in resignation.

After a few seconds of contemplation, he starts to tap his foot again, though this time it was to a constant beat, tapping on the floor with his knuckles as well to join the noise. As a result, Louise yelled a bit louder at him, the annoyance on her face changing to anger as he continued. He ignored her now, continuing his impromptu drumming. Though it was brought to an end a few seconds later when the air in front of him blew up for a second time that night, and he was launched over her mattress to the other side of her bed as a result.

"Owww…." Roy groaned in pain as he laid on his back, before realizing he'd groaned in pain in the first place. "Well, guess that worked." He mutters to himself, wondering if the pain was actually worth it. _...Probably_ He mentally admits to himself as he pushes himself up off the ground, leaning his arms on the mattress of her bed since he wasn't sure he could stand without the possibility of falling on uneven legs, and looks through the dissipating smoke cloud at the pinkette standing a few meters away from him. "...Do you go blowing up anyone who annoys you? Or is this just for me?" He asks her with a raised eyebrow, figuring it probably _wasn't_ the best idea to outright say "Plan a success, now we can speak." Cause that would lead to all _kinds_ of questions that he did _not_ want to try and answer.

When he asked this, a look that was a mixture of embarrassment and anger appeared on her face. One that was actually pretty normal for Louise whenever she had to deal with Saito in the anime. Although that look disappeared a few seconds later and was replaced by shock. "When you spoke I understood!" She exclaims in shock, getting a raised eyebrow from Roy.

"...Not that I'm upset at being able to understand you now, but really? "When you spoke I understood?"... Who even says it like that anymore?" He asks, figuring that it'd _probably_ be better to get across that their way of speaking is different than what he was used to. Though he flinched a second later when he realized that probably _wasn't_ the best way to get that across. Luckily for him, it seemed that fate was being _much_ kinder to him now that he was on the other side of the portal, since instead of likely whipping out the riding crop he knew she owned, she instead sagged and seemed to ignore his previous comment.

"I can't believe this, first I fail at a spell of translation, now I try to cast the spell of silence and instead cast the first one I wanted… That's another two fails…" She mutters to herself, depression clear in her voice. However, now that they could understand each other, she's quick to discard that depression. Or rather, it would be better to say she hid it and drew herself up straight, acting like the noble she was brought up to be. "You, what's your name?" She asks him as he stands up fully and starts to walk around her bed.

"The name's Roy. Roy Butler… Sooo… Where am I, exactly? And how did I get here?" He asked, despite the fact that, much like Phil, he already knew where he was.

"You are in the Kingdom of Tristain, on the continent of Harkegenia. My name, is Louise Françoise Leblanc de la Vallière, and I summoned you when I performed my summoning ritual earlier today. You are my Familiar." She tells him. In response, Roy is silent in response to her explanation, before his shoulders sag.

"I didn't recognize any of those names, as for summoning…" He pauses, looking around the room as he tries to think of _someway_ to plausibly explain being completely… Well, maybe not _completely_ fine with it happening, but at least "agreeable" seeing as he went with it knowing it was inevitable. Though at the same time, he had to be kinda skeptical… Or did he? "...Well, considering you can cause explosions out of thin air, silence me like you have a mute button that works on people, and then made us understand each other despite the clear language barrier, I suppose that summoning someone from somewhere else isn't really out of the question, now is it?" He says with a sigh.

Thinking about it for a few seconds, he shrugs before pulling his phone out of his pocket, and unlocking it in order to use it. However, he stopped when Louise spoke up, confusion clear in her voice. "Familiar, what is that?" She asks, question marks appearing and disappearing over her head as she looks at the phone in his grasp.

"First off, my name's Roy. You asked me earlier and I told you. Please don't treat me like a dog or something. As for this? It's a smartphone… Though, based on the fact that you can use _magic_ , I'm guessing technology hasn't advanced very far in this world… Because there's no way I'm on my own world anymore based on the fact that magic is used so obviously here." He says with a roll of his eyes. "Anyways, considering I'm your "Familiar", I take it that means that I'd do the same things that a… Butler, would do… Heh." He chuckles a bit at the irony, before shaking his head. "Anyways, I was gonna use this to take down some notes after I asked you what was _actually_ expected of me. Don't wanna go forgetting now, do I?" He asks.

 _The fact that if you get annoyed, you'll promptly create an explosion in my face is a_ big _reason that I'm not arguing anything… That, and the fact that despite hiding it, there is_ one thing _that Louise needs more than being good at magic…_ Roy thinks to himself, glancing down at his phone to open the notes app. After doing so, he decided to check on his battery life, and see how long his phone might last him in this new world. The sight that greeted him made him pause while his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

 _No fucking way…_ He thinks to himself, Louise still standing a few meters away, a confused look remaining on her face seeing as what he said didn't really explain anything to her, although he was less worried about that right now, and more focused on the info shown at the top of his iPhone. _...The time is matched with this world from what I can tell, I somehow have full Wi-Fi, and my battery isn't showing a percentage, but an infinity symbol instead… What the_ fuck _happened to my phone…?_ He wonders to himself, before he fully realizes what he's seeing and what it means, and his face breaks out into a grin. One that if Phil saw it, would probably have him searching for the nearest thing in this world that could act as a nuclear shelter...

* * *

 **Key:** **PJ,** _Boblinator_

 _Well guys, that's a wrap for this chapter. In all honesty, it's been a while since we've done a collab story, and even then, we've only done one before this… Which still only has one chapter… Yeah, we'll return to that at some point! ...We just kinda wanna get some practice in with merging our writing._

 **Which is how this little bundle of insanity and humour came to be!**

 _Full disclosure, this is_ very much _a "Practice Story" for us merging our writing styles, finding one that fits for collab stories, and trying our best to work on the difference between writing when it comes to American and English writing "rules"._

 **For example, doing a "he said" with a capital H at the beginning and a full stop (period for you Americans in the audience!) instead of a comma still kinda drives me batty. But I'm getting there. It's like self-harming my brain, but I'm getting there.**

 _That being said, we're going to try_ much harder _when it comes to staying focused on this story, unlike our AOBS story. With some plans we have in the works, we kinda_ need _to stay focused on this story…_

 **Don't bother asking. We are saying nothing until they're released. So give it until 2030 or so.**

 _...Yeah, sounds about right. Especially when it comes to our_ BIG _project… But anyways, we hope we wrote this in such a way that the reactions to these situations are believable. In truth, this is_ kind of _a Self-Insert… Just, you know, the characters are de-aged, and a bit different._

 **Put more simply, they're more like fictionalised versions** _ **of**_ **us, rather than actually** _ **being**_ **us.**

 _Exactly. That being said, time to go over it one last time before posting this. In case you can't tell, this first "Practice Story" is only being posted on my account. This is_ sorta _going to be normal. If / when we do Collabs in the future, they'll likely be posted to one account and not the other, whether that's mine, or Anime PJ's. So, that being said, make sure you Favorite and Follow him to see if one gets posted on his profile that isn't put on mine!_

 **Yes, yes! Send me worshippers! I require sacrifices!**

 _But in all seriousness, we hope you've enjoyed this first chapter, as well as the ones to come in the, hopefully near, future. See you in the next one_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Obligatory Pretty Boy Smackdown**

* * *

"Earth?" Louise asks, sitting on her bed and looking at Roy, who was sitting at the small table set up in the middle of her room, the brown haired teen nodding in response to the pinkette's question.

"Yup, basically, you summoned me from a world that's _completely_ different from this one. No magic, at least not as far as the populace knows, exists, so we've come up with other ways to get through life." He tells her, tapping away at the screen on his phone as he looks through it, plans already circulating through his head for how he can use it in this new world.

"...I don't believe you. Do you have any proof?" Louise asks, making Roy raise his head and give her a deadpan look as he lifts his hand to show her his phone once again. In response, Louise simply gives a huff, crosses her arms, and turns her head to the side. "As far as I'm concerned, that's just some peasant contraption, and you're lying to me." She tells him, getting a sigh from Roy.

"Fine, more proof it is." He says, lowering his hand and tapping away at his phone again, before raising it again and making it so that the back is facing the pinkette, making Louise turn to look at him in confusion. That confusion leaves her face a few seconds later as she's forced to rub her eyes in surprise at the white flash that suddenly blinded her.

"Familiar! What did you just do to me?!" She exclaims after clearing her eyesight, a glare directed at the brown haired boy in front of her. In response, Roy turned the phone around so that Louise could see the screen, and the picture he'd taken of her. "Wha- How did you make a portrait of me that fast?!" She asks in shock, making Roy roll his eyes in response.

"In the world I come from, this is called a "photograph", though most people shorten it to "photo". Basically, I tap a specific area on my phone, and through various means that I don't fully know myself, it manages to "capture" the image it's looking at in the space of less than a second. Do you know anything kind of item that's used by the common people, or the nobility, that has the ability to do this?" He asks her with a raised eyebrow.

"No…" Louise says in shock and awe at the sight before her. A clapping sound broke her out of her shocked state, making her look at the brown haired teen in front of her, who'd clapped his hands together to get her attention after placing his phone on the table.

"So, you believe me now?" He asks her, making her regain her composure and look to the side with crossed arms.

"Well, I guess you might be telling the truth…" She states, getting a sigh from Roy in response to her switching gears so quickly and remaining the Tsun that he knew she was.

"At least that's been cleared up…" He mutters to himself, before clearing his throat as he picks his phone back up. "Anyways… What exactly am I supposed to do as your, _Familiar_?" He asks her, stressing the word slightly as he opens his notes. In response, Louise turns to look at him.

"Anything I say. You're a lowly Familiar, and _I_ am your Master. You will do anything I tell you to do." She tells him. In response, Roy's thumb stays hovering over his phone, having been ready to take notes on specifics, before he takes a breath, turns off his phone, and puts it into his pocket as he leans forwards and proceeds to do the Gendo Pose, his hair slightly shadowing his eyes as he does so.

"I don't think you fully understand the situation here, _Master_." He says to Louise, who despite her status, couldn't help but feel slightly nervous, and the only reason she could think of for this feeling was the pose he was currently doing. "You see, from what I saw when I was summoned earlier, everyone else in that courtyard today had also summoned a Familiar. The thing is, they were all _animals_. I, on the other hand, am very much _human_." He says, raising his head just a bit to meet her eyes, his own seeming to glow just a bit from the light of the lantern beside him.

Any nervousness Louise was feeling promptly disappears when she hears how the boy in front of her, her _Familiar_ , is speaking to her, and her face twists into a scowl as her own eyes narrow in anger. However, even as she opens her mouth to argue, Roy raises a hand to silence her, and even though that wouldn't normally work, Louise is surprised enough by the action itself, and the fact that her Familiar was the one to do it, that it does.

 _This is gonna be a bit mean, but it's likely the only way to get this across to her this early on… Here's hoping things get better as we go._ He admits to himself, before mentally shaking his head as he gets ready to make his case… Or rather, give Louise her ultimatum when it comes to his role in her life.

"Now, I have no problem acting as a Butler, Bodyguard, or anything else like that. _But_ , the _second_ you start treating me like a _Slave_." He starts, staring her straight in the eye as he says all this. "I am going to walk out that door, I am going to walk out of this academy, and I will go find a job or something someplace else. It doesn't matter if you try to catch me, chain me up, or anything else like that. I will _keep_ leaving you. So, you have a choice." He tells her, sitting up straight and holding his hands out, palms up, on either side of him.

"Either you treat me _humanely_ , and I go along with your orders as a helper of some kind." He says, raising his right hand as he does this. "Or, you try to treat me like a slave, dog, whatever, and I walk out on you, leaving you as, what I assume, the only one of your grade without a partner of some kind." He says, raising his left hand, keeping his gaze focused on Louise's as he does so. "So, which is it gonna be?" He asks, his gaze never wavering from the pinkette's.

* * *

The first thing Philip did when he woke up was rub the sleep dust from his eyes. He had to prop himself up from his elbows to do it, further reminding him of the uncomfortable position he had to sleep in due to the state of his shoulder. Wondering if that had gotten any better overnight, he reached his hand up to touch his back. He winced at the feeling. The pain had certainly gone down, but it was still there. Another night or two of this, he figured, would be enough. Then again, he was no doctor, so he couldn't say for certain.

He wondered where Kirche had gotten to. The sun was shining quite a bit, so it was definitely morning. The odds were that she was already up. He wondered where she'd slept with him taking up the bed like he was. It made him nervous to think that his first impression on his new master, the one who had basically complete control over his life now, was depriving her of sleep for the sake of letting him have a more comfortable first night.

What a fool he turned out to be.

A brief, cursory glance to his left revealed that she had not, in fact, gone without her bed for the night, but had simply crawled in beside him. He certainly _hoped_ she was wearing something, because he didn't think his nerves would be able to handle it if she wasn't, but he couldn't tell because she had the covers over her. Truly, this was thin ice he found himself on, mostly with himself. He suspected he might pass right out again if he saw anything too… _Personal_ …

 _Juuuuuuuuuust turn your head away._ He thought to himself. _Make out like you're still sleeping, or resting, or something, and just let her get up first… But that might make you look lazy. Okay, new plan: Stand the fuck up and try to give at least the_ impression _of dignity so that she isn't disappointed too early. Okay? Okay. Okay? Okay._

That was when Kirche sat up, rubbing her eyes, and Philip Jonathan Butler discovered what a blood vessel-bursting anime nosebleed was like as the covers fell away from her. The force of the blood spurting out of his nose sent him rocketing off the bed and onto the floor, where he promptly, and without so much as a shred of the dignity he was trying to appear to have, landed on his ass. He squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head, as though trying to beat his brain with the walls of his skull, to try and bring it back into working order. Like a machine, he felt like abusing it would fix things.

"Good morning." Kirche said, smirking down at him, having crawled to the edge of the bed after hearing his collision with the floor. "You know, I put you in the bed so you'd be _comfortable_. Is this your way of telling me you prefer a _rougher_ way of doing things?"

 _Christ, she works fast._ Philip thought, not really surprised but _really_ wishing she would act OOC for just a moment or so. "Um…" He wiped the trickle of blood that was still dripping from his nose with the back of his hand. "I, uh… You took me by surprise." To his immense surprise, he still had enough blood to blush with. "I guess I just wasn't expecting to wake up to, well, _that_ …"

This only seemed to amuse her more. "Awww, not used to waking up with naked girls?" She asked with a chuckle. "Can't say I'm surprised. You've spent what little time we've had to talk so red that I was almost convinced it was your natural skin colour. Shoulder doing any better?"

"Yes."

"Good. That means we can give you a bath."

"Oh, thank God, I was starting to fe- Come again?" Philip had at first been relieved at the idea of being able to wash off the dirt, but the fact that a very attractive girl was saying this brought forward mixed feelings. Mostly of the "oh please, God, I wanna just bathe myself without feeling ten different kinds of awkward" kind.

Kirche smirked. "You heard me." Her smirk softened to a smile. "Calm down. I at least wanna wash your face and any exposed skin. You're perfectly free to bathe yourself later… But I ask you, Phil my dear, where would be the fun in _that_?"

There it was again. One of those little breaks in what he remembered her character being that assured him life wouldn't be terrible or, both praise and damn the gods, _hip-breaking_. The latter was certainly something he could live with if he had the confidence, but the simple fact was that he _didn't_ have the confidence.

"...Okay." Philip managed to say after a while, sometime after his face had gone from hellish red to a simple pink colour. He made an effort to stand up and felt a familiar weight in his pocket. There was a flash of hope in him as he reached into his pocket and pulled out, to his immense joy, the mp3 player he had shoved into his pocket the day before. _Yes!_ He thought with great enthusiasm. _Music! Sweet, sweet fucking_ music _!_

What? He liked to listen to music when he had nothing to do… Or when he was trying to ignore people… Or when he wanted to dodge awkward social situations by shoving earphones in… Or literally any situation, really. He always had his mp3 player on him.

Holding down the options button, which was how this bloody thing turned on for some reason he'd never understood, Philip waited for it to turn on. When it did, he stuck one earphone in, hit shuffle, and "The Lady is a Tramp" by Frank Sinatra filtered into his ears. It was still in working order. He paused the song and looked to see how much battery life this thing had left in it. He had to blink and do a double-take when he saw that, where there was once a series of four white bars indicating battery life, there was now simply an infinity symbol. _Huh… Neat._ He thought. At least he had no real limit on how many minutes of music he could listen to. So long as it didn't break, anyway.

"What's that?" Kirche asked, sitting on the bed with her legs, crossed, dangling over the edge. Her voice was tinted with curiosity.

Philip did his best to ignore the very naked girl as he answered. "It's an mp3 player. We use these where I'm from to listen to music."

"I've never seen anything like that before." She said, leaning down and poking it lightly. She looked Philip in the eyes and tilted her head. "Where are you from?"

"That…" Philip said, hesitating slightly. "...Is gonna take some explaining."

He explained, as best he could, the fact that he was from another world. The words sounded mad to him even as they left his mouth, yet he knew they were true because he'd lived them. Or maybe he was mad. He considered that a distinct possibility, too. But he would roll with what his mind was telling him was real, even if it turned out to be some bollocks his mind was conjuring up just to troll him. By the time he was done explaining, he was fully expecting Kirche to have him taken to someone who could tell whether he'd had his mind hexed or not.

"So… You're from this world called Earth?" She clarified after he was done explaining. "They don't have magic, and you have other ways of doing things that we use magic for…?"

"That would about sum it up, yes."

"...Well… I can't say I've ever seen anything like that… 'Mp3 player' before, so… I guess you're telling the truth."

"What, just like that?"

"Well… Yeah." She once again grew a grin on her face. "I'm a witch, sweetheart. Magic can do basically anything, so long as you don't mess up, and even then, _something_ will happen. You say you're from another world? That's pretty out there, even by our standards, but sure, I can work with that. I can work with _you_." She practically purred that last part, and Philip knew that she was very intentionally trying to get him to blush again. It worked.

"Well… Thanks, Kirche… Er, master… Boss?" He grew confused. "What do you want me to call you?"

"Oh, you can call me _anything_ you want… But Kirche is fine." She smiled widely. "So, what kind of music does your world have there?"

"You wanna listen?"

"Sure."

"Okay, then. Just hold this by your ear. Best not put it in. Could be a bit unhygienic."

"You sure you're talking about the ear things and not something else?"

"...I believe that particular innuendo was below you, Kirche. Now, take a listen to this." He pressed shuffle again to get a new song. This time, "This Will Be The Day" from the _RWBY_ soundtrack came on.

Kirche listened for a few moments, then hummed in interest. "You people have interesting music." She said. "We should listen together sometimes. Could be sort of a _bonding_ experience for us. But I think we should get moving. They'll only be serving breakfast for so long. Get up and we'll get you cleaned up. Oh." She grinned as she began to get her clothes on. He didn't like that grin. Not at _all_. "And even if you don't want me fully bathing you… You're still gonna have to take those clothes off."

Knowing _exactly_ what she'd just done to his blood pressure, she kept on getting dressed as though nothing had happened.

 _This is going to be a_ loooong _day._ Philip thought.

* * *

In the bedroom of one Louise Françoise Leblanc de la Vallière, the pinkette in question was sleeping without the faintest bit of discomfort. Her mattress was soft, the blanket covering her was light enough to keep from restricting any movements she made, but kept out the cool air without a problem, and her pillows were fluffed to perfection.

Unfortunately, this tranquility left the room the moment a loud sound started blaring and echoing through the room, prompting the pinkette to let out a startled shriek as she bolted up in her bed to look around the room in shock. Said sound stopped a few seconds later, and Louise looked in the direction it came from to see Roy tapping away at his phone as he sat up in the pile of hay that was his bed the previous night.

After shutting off the alarm, the brunet turned to look at Louise, giving a grunt as he started to stand up. "Mornin'." He greets her, stretching in an attempt to get rid of the soreness he felt from sleeping on the floor. _Fully rested, but my body disagrees… Whatever, I should have a mattress or something similar soon enough._ He thinks to himself as he rolls his shoulder to get rid of the dull pain there.

"What was that?!" Louise exclaims, making Roy turn to face her in confusion, before clearing his eyes as his mind slowly wakes up.

"Ah, right. Summoned by Louise. Currently her Familiar." He mutters to himself, before clearing his throat as he picks up his phone and puts it into his pocket. "That, Master, was an alarm. Basically a loud sound meant to wake me up for the day ahead. I probably made the sound too loud, and it woke you up as well. Sorry about that. I meant to only have it wake me up so I could get your stuff ready for the day, then wake you up." He admits while rubbing the back of his head.

Louise was still slightly shocked, though it slowly faded into anger. "Well don't let it happen again!" She exclaims as she starts to get out of bed. "Now, get me my clothes." She tells him, leading to him giving her a blank look in response to her command, making her gain a tick mark at him apparently ignoring her. Getting ready to yell at him again, she pauses as she sees him raising an eyebrow, almost as if he was waiting to see what she was going to do. Confusion and anger circle around in her at this, before she remembers the conversation from the night before, and the agreement that came out of it.

It had taken a good bit of the night to work out the specifics, but now that she was slowly waking up, and the shock from the loud "alarm" from earlier was leaving her, she remembered how the two of them had actually had a conversation about Roy's current status as her Familiar. And it had taken quite a while on his part to convince her of some points. Mainly the fact that despite being summoned as a Familiar, he was, for all intents and purposes, still _human_.

As such, treating him like any other Familiar, would be very similar to treating him as if he was her _slave_. Something he was very much against, and he'd made perfectly clear to her the night before. Slowly remembering the events of the night before, and their conversation, allowed Louise to calm down her anger and clear away her confusion, before taking a deep breath to make sure she was calm.

"My clothes, please." She tells him as she stands straight, getting a nod from the brunet, with the edge of his mouth twitching a bit into a slight smirk before it disappears.

"On it." He says, walking over to her wardrobe to grab the clothing she would need for the day as Louise thinks about the agreement they'd reached the night before. In essence, Roy didn't have anywhere to go in this new world, thanks to Louise taking him from his old one. As a result, his best bet was to stay with the pinkette and live out his new life helping her. (Especially since he had a vague idea of the events that would occur around her, and could make slight plans to make things go better.)

However, as stated before, he'd made it quite clear that he absolutely _refused_ to be treated in such a way similar to a slave, dog, or anything similar. So instead, he would act as a helper of some sorts for her. After all, he had no idea how to act as a servant of any kind, and it'd take too long to learn how to be one, or how to act like a Butler. And without a weapon at the moment, he wouldn't be much of a bodyguard either. So for now, he'd do the simple tasks until he could fill one of those roles.

After gathering the clothes Louise would need for the day, he gave them to her, before heading to the door. "I have no idea how you nobles dress, and seeing as I'm male, I'm sure as hell not gonna assume that you'd want me to try and dress you, and as a result, see you without clothes. So, I'll wait outside till you're done." He tells her, getting a nod from the pinkette in response. If the conversation the previous night hadn't happened, she very likely wouldn't have cared, since she would've seen him as nothing more than a regular Familiar. Like a dog or something.

However, because of the agreement they'd reached the night before, she realized that he was, in fact, very much human. Unlike other Familiars, he had a completely free will. He could make his own decisions, such as whether he wanted to follow her orders or not, and if he even wanted to stay near her, or leave the academy grounds altogether. Sure, it took about an hour and a half, but in the end, Louise had realized that she had summoned a fully functioning _person_ as her Familiar. Not some animal that would follow any order she gave without question.

After she finished getting dressed, the pinkette got her hair ready for the day, picked up her wand, and walked out her door to find Roy standing there waiting for her, tapping away at his phone once again,looking up to meet her eyes when she closed the door behind her. "Ready for the day, Master?" He asked her, getting a nod from Louise in response.

That was another thing they'd agreed upon. While Roy had no problem addressing Louise as his "Master", since she technically was, he himself refused to be referred to as "Familiar", since despite that being the term for what he technically was to her at the moment, being called "Familiar" was _way_ too degrading, and was basically the same as saying he was no longer considered "human". Something that, as stated before, he'd taken quite a lot of time to stress he _was_ to Louise.

Making their way down to the dining hall, the two made their way towards Louise's seat, pass all the whispering students. Roy had a good feeling that a rather large number of those whispers were about him and his new Master, based on the glances that the two received on their way to the pinkette's chair. Louise sat in her chair after Roy pulled it away from the table, before he pushed it back in so that she could eat her breakfast.

"I'll go ahead and wait outside with the other student's Familiars till you're done Master. I don't usually have much of an appetite for breakfast anyways, so I should be fine right now." He tells the pinkette, surprising Louise, but getting a nod in response. Giving his own nod back, Roy then proceeded to turn towards the entrance to the dining hall, and walk towards it in order to head outside and wait for breakfast to be over with the other student's Familiars out in the courtyard.

* * *

Philip felt like he looked: Vaguely traumatised by the morning's events. He knew he would get over this issue quickly and move on to a whole other one, because that's just the sort of shit his asshole of a brain likes to do to him. The aroma of the food floating up to him and Kirche as they walked down the stairs was pleasing to the senses, at least, and he hoped, against what he thought was likely to happen, that he would be eating some of that soon.

Forever the pessimist, his mind completely ignored the fact that Kirche, bar the playful teasing, had actually been very nice up to this point. He wanted very much to stuff his earphones in his ears and just drown out the world, but knew that such action would likely be a lot less accepted among the massive amount of entitled snobs in this school than it was back in England.

 _Fuck them._ He thought to himself with a certain amount of excitement. _If Roy is the Saito replacement I suspect he is, pretty soon all these noble assholes will be well aware that peasants aren't to be taken lightly… Jesus Christ, where did that come from? Am I turning into a watered down Social Justice Warrior? Oh, please say I'm not, I hate those fuckers. I don't wanna be the guy telling people to remove washbaskets and shit 'cause it might offend the fucking ex-cleaners._

He longed to hear his music. The world always felt so big, loud, and chaotic without it. But, knowing he had to look polite (even if none of these ponces knew what earphones were), he didn't do so. His mouth compressing to look like a thin line was the only sign of his discomfort.

He and Kirche got to the dining room table at almost the exact moment the door had closed behind Roy.

"So, should I wait outside?" Philip asked, uncomfortable. He didn't particularly like the idea of eating among these people who looked at him like a piece of dirt, he was also really hungry. This, as you can imagine, left him conflicted: Food vs standards. It was a conundrum.

Kirche waved him off with a smile. "No need for that, Phil dear." She said. "Stay in here and eat. Oh… You'll have to sit on the floor, though. I'd let you sit at the table if it were just up to me, but your presence at the table might offend the sensibilities of some of my peers."

 _Translation: Some uptight pricks will feel tainted if the peasant is treated like a human being in their presence._ Out loud, however, he said: "It's fine, boss. I'm not overly bothered about where I'm sitting." Upon reflection, there was something about being basically naked in front of someone while washing that makes you remarkably more comfortable with speaking. He still didn't have it in him to let loose the full might of his British sarcasm, but baby steps. He took a seat on the floor, where a plate was placed for him.

"Just take whatever you want." Kirche told him. "Or you can just point it out and I'll pass it to you." She chuckled. "I could even feed you, if you'd like? Oh, my, _imagine_ the sight we'd be…"

"I'm… Good to feed myself." He said. Now _there_ was an offer he didn't think he'd ever turn down if he experienced that particular anime cliché. He had the feeling he would get used to that sort of thing happening. "And, if I'm being honest, I don't know what most of this stuff is. Like that round, brown thing with the leaves on top. I haven't got a clue what that is."

Kirche laughed. "You should try it, then. I'm sure you'll be trying new and interesting things quite a bit if you're as foreign as you've led me to believe." Her face took on a slightly more serious look. "Before we start to enjoy ourselves, I feel like I should remind you to follow my orders. I'm not some tyrant or anything, but especially around other nobles, you disobeying or arguing could make me look bad."

Philip took this in both stride and good humour, trying to ignore the persistent little voice in the back of his head that was panicking about the possibility that he may have already made her look bad in some way, the one that was urging him to just nod and give a one-word response like it normally did during social situations.. "I don't do what I'm told, but if you ask nicely, I might do what you want." He said, with just a tad of his humour. The voice of his anxiety shouted at him so loud, he felt like it was trying to bludgeon him to death.

Kirche just looked amused. Philip got the feeling that she wanted to to make some comment on the things she would "want" from him, but then everyone started speaking.

Everyone in the room, bar Philip, said a prayer before they started eating.

The only reason Philip only ate enough to fill his plate was that he didn't want to look like a pig.

He could have easily eaten three times as much as he did.

* * *

After finishing breakfast, Louise left behind her dishes for the Academy servants to clear, before walking out the door amongst her peers. While everyone else headed over to where their Familiars were waiting for them, she found Roy waiting right outside the door for her, tapping away at his phone once again, a thoughtful look on his face. When he noticed Louise walking over to him, he shut it off and placed it in his pocket, a small smile appearing on his face.

Unfortunately for the pinkette in question, while her new "helper" may have been a nice change in pace at the academy, some things would remain constant… Such as a certain redheaded annoyance to the pinkette who made herself known a few seconds later.

"Wow, Louise. You made him wait _outside_?" Kirche said, shaking her head in disappointment. "That's pretty cold."

"Oh, _God_ , what the hell is _that_ thing?" Philip said in faux disgust while looking at Roy, a small grin playing on his lips. "What hideous abomination from the depths of Hell itself was summoned here yesterday?"

Upon Phil's question, Roy simply gave a smirk as he placed his hands into his pockets. "My Master, Louise Françoise Leblanc de la Vallière simply summoned one _hell_ of a Butler." He says, making both a pun, and a reference, at the same time.

"...You turned our surname into a pun. I hate you now. You disappoint me _so_ much."

Roy gave a slight chuckle at that, before removing his right hand from his pocket, and taking his phone out with it. "...With a working iPhone."

"...I completely stand by the fact that she summoned an abomination from the depths of Hell itself." He looked to the sky, shaking his head. "Do not try to save us, whatever passes for God here. We are all dead. A student's summoning ritual has killed us all. Fuck you very much for allowing this to occur."

During this conversation, the summoners of the two in question could only look on in confusion, for once agreeing on something. Louise turned to Roy, an eyebrow raised in questioning. "Roy… What is Zerbst's Familiar talking about?"

"Yes, Phil dear, why do you seem so scared of this man?"

"Because back home we had physics he knew a lot about." Philip said. "Here? We have physics he can fucking _weaponise_. I do not like my chances of survival under these circumstances. Once again, please pardon my French, but also note that I do not really care." He surprised himself a little with just how much he let go of his inhibitions. Though, he supposed, having someone he knew relatively well around was probably having some effect.

At Phil's words, the two could only turn to Roy in confusion, with Louise clearly expecting more information. In response, Roy simply tilted his head as he gave them a small smile. "To give you two an example, if Phil here were to make me mad enough that my facial features changed to that of a shark, I would use that change in order to bite off a part of his head."

"And I like my head how it is." Philip added. "It's a good head, it's served me well, this head. I would rather not go around looking like something out of _Sleepy Hollow_."

"They're both insane." Both masters said, for once in agreement about something. This is an occurrence that would often repeat whenever Roy and Phil were in the same vicinity.

"Anyways, I'm feeling a bit thirsty. You want anything Master?" Roy asks, turning to face Louise. In response, the pinkiette could only give a slight nod, still a bit surprised at the conversation that happened between the two in front of her.

"Tea please." She manages to say through her surprise, getting a nod from Roy as he heads off to get the drinks for himself and the pinkette.

* * *

"See you later, Sebastian!" Philip called after Roy as he walked off. He grinned slightly at his own joke, then mentally slapped himself. _Stop it! Never laugh at your own jokes! It just kills the comedic value._ His grin faded back to a content smile. Finally, he was beginning to enjoy himself.

"So, where to now, boss?" He asked Kirche, mostly in hopes that it would completely avoid a scene between her and Louise now that the other half of the distraction had left.

"Hmm." She turned to him. "Oh, right. Now I think we'll go find a table. With a little luck, Tabitha will be here. She's a friend of mine. Come along, now." She started walking, and Philip followed her dutifully. He may not have gone full Butler ( _God_ , did that pun make him want to gouge someone's eyes out!) but he would still do his job to the best of his ability. So long as there was nothing really wrong with his situation, he wouldn't argue against it. There was just no real reason to. The fact that his Master was smoking hot and flirty had nothing to do with it. Honest. ...Shut up.

 _Wasn't it Tabitha who put me out when I was on fire yesterday?_ Philip thought. He figured it probably was. He had passed out immediately after, but he remembered. _I should really thank her if we see her._

They did see her. She was pretty hard to miss, considering her Familiar was what Philip would likely refer to as "a massive fuck-off dragon." Tabitha herself looked mostly unconcerned with anything going on around her, keeping a plain expression on her glasses-wearing face as she buried it in a book. That was a feeling Philip immediately sympathised with. Reading was something he did a lot of, too, usually with his earphones stuffed in. He was antisocial like that.

"Hey, Tabitha." Kirche said happily as she walked over, Philip in tow. "How's it going?"

"Okay." Tabitha said blankly. She never looked up from her book.

"Cool. This my Familiar, Philip. Don't be rude, Phil dear, say hello."

"Hello." Philip said. He then bowed his head in what he hoped was a polite gesture. "Thank you very much for putting me out yesterday. Any shortage to the burning is much appreciated."

"You're welcome." Tabitha said.

 _A lady of few words._ Philip reflected, unsurprised. _I can work with that. Should be easier than what it took to talk to Kirche casually, anyhow. I doubt I'll have to strip, for starters._ He was made slightly nervous by the presence of the dragon, but he was sure he would get used to fantasy creatures hanging around eventually. The main problem was simply that there was a massive fire-breathing lizard stood nearby and that was a bit intimidating, no matter how much human intelligence it might have.

"Phil, be a dear and get us some drinks, would you?" Kirche asked, sitting down. "Get yourself one, too, if you're thirsty."

"Right away." Said Philip. He was all business mode now that he was actually on the job. He turned around to go and get the drinks… And promptly turned back around to ask the obvious question. "What would the two of you like to drink?"

They were about to tell him, but their attention was drawn away by something not too far away. Philip turned around to look and noticed that a crowd had gathered together to watch something unfolding. It was only when he saw a certain blond boy storming away from the scene that he realised what was happening, and a large grin wormed its way across his face. _Time for shit to get fun._ He thought.

* * *

 **A Few Minutes Prior:**

* * *

Leaving his Master, his friend, and his friend's Master behind, Roy searched through the square for two things. The first was easy enough to find, a waitress serving drinks. After getting a glass of water and a cup of tea from her, he went searching for his second objective. It took him a few extra minutes, but eventually he saw a familiar fop of blond hair belonging to a pretty boy sitting at a table with a rather large mole draped across his legs. From there, Roy simply made his way over to a nearby wall, and leaned against it, taking the occasional sip from his water.

It didn't take long for a certain brown cloak wearing brunette to walk nearby, looking around the area in search of someone. Stopping fairly close to teen, the brunette girl, who Roy knew to be named Katie, looked around in slight confusion. "Lord Guiche…?" She asks herself, looking around the area to try and find the boy in question. Taking this as his cue, Roy allowed himself a small smirk, before walking over to the girl.

"Excuse me." He says, getting her attention. "Are you looking for Guiche?" He asks, getting a smile from the girl in response as she nods. "Ah, in that case, he's over that way." He tells her, pointing over his back with his thumb in the direction the blond two-timer was sitting. Katie gives the teen a quick thanks, before heading in the direction he'd pointed her, Roy following a few steps behind.

What followed was… Well, pretty much what Roy expected to happen. Katie walked over to Guiche, the blond boy tried to turn things in his favor, Montmorency realized something was going on, Guiche fumbled over his words, then he was promptly found out by both women, before being slapped by Montmorency as the two girls stalked off, leaving Guiche as the laughing stock of the surrounding Nobles, Roy joining in with the laughter.

"Guess even pretty boys aren't exempt from the consequences of two-timing." He says between laughs, immediately drawing attention to himself from the pretty boy in question.

"You!" Guiche exclaims, making Roy stop laughing as he looks around, before pointing at himself. "Yes, you! You were the one who directed Katie to me, were you not?" He asks, seeing as Katie had made an offhand comment about being pointed to the blond teen by someone else.

"Uh, yeah. She asked about you, I recognized you from what Louise told me about you yesterday, and pointed you out to her." He says with a shrug, already knowing where this was going.

"...I see, yes, you do look familiar. You're the peasant Familiar that Louise the Zero summoned, aren't you?" Guiche asks. "But I suppose at the moment, that does not matter. What does, is that your actions have caused two noble ladies to cry!" Guiche exclaims, pointing at the brunet with his Rose-Wand.

"...Me? Dude, you're the one who was two-timing. If anything, _you're_ the one who broke their hearts… And even then, the blonde one seemed more livid than sad. As evident by the bright red handmark still on your face." He says with a slight chuckle at the end, making the surrounding teens laugh at the jab. In response to the teens words, Guiche could only glare, before waving his Rose-Wand with a flourish of his hand.

"It would seem you do not understand how things work around here… Very well then, because of your recent transgressions, I challenge you to a duel!" Guiche exclaims, making Roy raise an eyebrow in response to the challenge.

"...Alright, give me a time and place." He says with a shrug, making Guiche give a light grin at the chance he'd been given to humiliate this peasant for what he'd done to him.

"Vestori Square, in fifteen minutes. Prepare yourself peasant!" He exclaims, leaving the circle of students that had surrounded the two with a flourish of his cape. Watching him go, Roy shrugs at what's to come, before turning around to ask one of the teens where the square in question is. Doing so, he sees Louise stalking over to him with a glare on her face. Upon seeing it, Roy said the first thing that came to mind.

"Okay, _first_ … I was _minding_ my _own business_." Roy states, raising one of his hands in defense.

" _BULLSHIT!_ " Came Philip's voice from the sidelines. In response, Roy was silent for a few seconds at the input of his friend, before shrugging.

"Okay, so _maybe_ I had some input on the current events happening… Like making it clear to everyone the blond pretty boy was a two-timing bastard… _Maybe_ …" He admits, getting a groan from Louise in annoyance in response.

"You walk off to get some drinks, and this happens… I can't believe it." She mutters, Roy holding up the cup of tea in his other hand in response.

"Hey, I still got your drink." He says, handing her the tea. "...The walk to get the tea just turned out to be a bit… _Enthusiastic_ …" He admits with a shrug, and a light smirk, before turning to the crowd, or more specifically, a boy with an owl as his Familiar. "Oy! Which way to Vestori Square?" He asks the boy.

"Over there, that way." The boy responds, pointing in the direction Roy would need to head.

"Thanks." The brunet says, raising a hand as he does so, before walking in the direction he'd been pointed.

"Wha- Roy!" Louise exclaims, leaving the tea cup he'd given her with a passing servant as she takes off after the teen she'd summoned.

* * *

 **A Few Minutes Later:**

* * *

In the middle of Vestori Square, Roy and the pretty boy were standing across from each other in the center of a ring of students that had surrounded them to watch the upcoming duel between the two. Amongst those in the crowd were Kirche, Tabitha and Phil.

"You know what?" Kirche said when the three of them had settled. "Louise's Familiar is beginning to amuse me."

"Don't get used to that." Philip said, just a bit too quickly. " _I'm_ the funny one. And I'm English. I have class and all that crap. Cheerio, pip-pip, etcetera."

"My, my." Kirche smirked. "Is that a hint of jealousy I detect, Phil dear?"

Philip's cheeks went red, but, knowing that anime logic would dictate any attempt at lying would be horrifically bad in embarrassing situations, he kept his mouth firmly shut. This only served to amuse Kirche even more. She put a hand on his shoulder in what he chose to think of as a reassuring gesture, and was just glad she wasn't trying to embarrass him any more.

Tabitha remained silent. Philip decided that he liked her.

"I must say, you have gained some of my respect for _actually_ showing up." Guiche tells Roy, making the brunet smirk in response as he crosses his arms.

"Please. Who in their right minds would run from someone like _you_?" He asks the blond teen in front of him. However, before anything else can be said, an exclamation from the side draws everyone's attention.

"Guiche wait!" Louise calls out, rushing forwards to stand next to Guiche. "Stop this, right now! You know darn well Duels are forbidden!" She tells him, making the pretty boy give a light shrug.

"True, but _only_ duels between two _nobility_ are forbidden. Your Familiar, on the other hand, is nothing but a Peasant. So, there's no problem." Guiche states, making Roy give a deadpan stare to no one in particular.

"...Never thought I'd be _thankful_ to ever be considered a Peasant…" He mutters to himself. Unaware of his comment, Louise continues to try and talk Guiche out of this.

"But… That's because a case like this has never happened before…" She says quietly, realizing that it isn't much of an argument since Guiche was right. However, the blond teen takes her words, and the intent behind them, differently.

"Hm? Now Louise, I don't mean to get too personal, but… Could it be that you're feeling attracted to this Peasant?" Guiche asks her, making Louise's brain stall as she stares at the blond teen in shock at the question, before a pink blush becomes apparent in her cheeks as a tick mark appears on her forehead as she starts to yell at the pretty boy in front of her.

"How dare you?! No one with any decency would just sit by and watch silently, as their Familiar is beaten up to a tattered heap!" She exclaims, getting a blank look from Roy in response.

 _...I'll let her have this one since she's been flustered by Guiche… Though if she starts to go back to referring to me as "Familiar", I'm stopping that train before it can start moving again…_ The brunet thinks to himself with a roll of his eyes. Meanwhile, Guiche turns to look at the teen in question, raising his Rose-Wand as he does so.

"Well, Louise, no matter what you say, the duel has already started!" He exclaims, flicking the rose, and causing a petal to separate from it and fall to the ground.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!" Philip shouted from the sidelines, doing his best impression of the opening line of the (admittedly not very good, but not as awful as most video game movies) movie's theme song. His exclamation got him a good number of confused stares, which made him immediately shrink back in on himself.

A few seconds later, a bright circle appears on the ground where the petal fell, before an armored figure rises out of it. "My name is Guiche the Brass, therefore, a brass golem, a Valkyrie to be precise, shall be your opponent." He tells the teen across from him. In response, Roy rolls his eyes and sarcastically claps his hands.

"Of course, absolutely brilliant… The Noble needs to use magic to fight against the defenseless commoner… Not even the offer of a weapon or something to make this a proper duel. What? Is your pride so badly hurt that you need to settle for having a punching bag in front of you?" Roy asks the pretty boy, crossing his arms with an unimpressed stare as he does so. "That will _toootally_ make it so that everyone here sees how strong you are. Right?" He asks with a raised eyebrow, making the blond teen grit his teeth, before relaxing and putting that "pretty boy smile" back on his face.

"Ah, but of course. This _is_ a duel, after all." Guiche says, flicking his Rose-Wand once again, and causing a petal to separate and float to the ground in front of the brunet, another burst of light occuring as a sword with a green crossguard, with a red jewel in the center, was created for Roy to use. "Go on and pick up the sword Peasant. I shall be lenient enough to allow you that much." The blond teen stated, Roy mentally rolling his eyes as he walks up to the sword.

 _Riiiight… You know,_ after _I talked you into giving me one… It's_ tooootally _you being "lenient"._ He thinks to himself, instead of saying so out loud. Better to _not_ antagonize him right now, when he could likely get rid of the sword before he even had a chance to use it. Grasping the sword with his right hand, Roy pulled it out of the ground, and almost immediately, the runes on his left hand began to glow.

 _And like that, Guiche brought literally_ everything _that happens here on himself._ Philip thought in amusement as he watched.

The first thing Roy noticed when grabbing the sword was how much lighter he felt, and not weight wise. The second was how everything around him seemed to have slowed down just the slightest bit, giving him a bit more time to focus on things. The third thing he noticed was that the Valkyrie in front of Guiche was already charging at him, likely commanded by Guiche to charge forwards the second he grabbed the sword, since it would be counted as "fair" since he'd have already touched the weapon.

As the brass golem charged him, Roy took notice of the fact that instead of attacking with its spear, it was instead aiming to punch him in the stomach, likely to draw out the fight and make him a laughing stock of the surrounding nobles. In response to this, Roy made a quick sidestep to avoid the jab, before bringing his newly acquired weapon up in a swing that severed the arm from the rest of the body, both parts continuing passed him, but the arm, because of the force behind the punch, flying through the air and falling to the ground at the edge of the circle of nobles.

In response to this sudden event, the muttering that had been going on since the duel started suddenly stopped, everyone watching going silent as they watch Roy bring the sword back down in another swing, now using it to point at the Valkyrie. "...Bring it." He says with narrowed eyes as the golem turns to face him, now using it's only remaining hand to wield its spear. Charging him once again, this time with the intent to pierce him through the head. In response, Roy brought the sword up so that he'd just barely deflect the weapon, then grind the sword along the handle as he stepped towards the Valkyrie, and brought the sword slicing down the middle of the golem.

A few seconds later, said Golem separated into two pieces, each one falling to the ground on either side of the brunet teen. Taking a few seconds to remain in the same position, Roy then turned around to face Guiche, who was now looking quite a bit less confident than he did earlier. "Is that all you've got?" He asks the blond pretty boy, raising an eyebrow as he asks this.

 _I'd have gone with "it had to split," personally._ Philip thought. He hated himself for the pun, but still had to admit that he _would_ have used it.

In response to Roy's question, Guiche could only grimace, before giving a slight growl as he waved his Rose-Wand again, this time multiple petals falling out of it and onto the ground, summoning 6 golems at once, all of them wielding spears. At the sight, Roy could only roll his eyes, even as the Valkyries charged at him.

The first two were easy to deal with, he ducked under their swings, before bringing his sword around in a swing that cut them clean in two at the waist, all four halves falling to the ground around him as the second two charged him. This time, he used the sword in his hands to cut through the handles of the spears themselves, leaving the golems without weapons, and then proceeded to cut off both their heads. For the final two, Roy jumped above their respective attacks, before coming back down on top of one, stabbing it through the head, before removing his weapon from the body, and then twisting the sword into a reverse grip, and stabbing the second through it's back, before turning around and bringing the sword up and splitting it from there to the top of its head.

After taking care of the last golem, Roy turned to face Guiche, only to be surprised by the sight of one last Valkyrie. This one wielding a sword. Taking in the sight before him, Roy gave a shrug, before bending his knees slightly to get ready, and then charging the new Golem. The Valkyrie brought up it's sword to block the swing that was surely aimed at it's head, only to be shocked when instead of blocking the strike, Roy's sword instead severed that arm at the elbow, causing the arm, and the sword, to fall to the ground.

The Valkyrie staggered back a bit as a result of the attack, but Roy simply stepped forwards with it, bringing his sword across in a swipe that cut the Golem clean in half at the waist. However, before it could fall to the ground, Roy grabbed the head of the top half, allowing the bottom half to fall. Then, seconds later, Roy threw the top half into the air where all could see, and as it fell back to the ground, stabbed it through the head with his sword, allowing the top half to remain suspended in the air on the end of his sword, before it turned to dirt and began to fall back to the ground, the surrounding nobles watching the scene in shock.

 _Well,_ someone's _airing some leftover frustrations from SAO._ Philip thought idly. _Can't say I blame him. I wish Rapey McGee had died, too._

Upon the destruction of the final Valkyrie, Roy then turned his attention to Guiche, who couldn't help but flinch at the brunet's attention now being on him. He attempted to raise his Rose-Wand to summon more Valkyries, only for Roy to slightly bend his knees, before rushing in a quick burst at Guiche, who could only blink when a few seconds later, he realized that the sword in Roy's hands was now practically pressing against the front of his neck.

"What's it gonna be pretty boy? Is this gonna turn out to be a duel to the death, or no?" He asks, the sword in his hands not wavering. The blond teen is silent for a few seconds before his shaking hands drop to his side, his Rose-Wand falling to the ground a few seconds later.

"I… I yield." Guiche admits, making Roy pull the sword away from his neck, and allowing the blond teen to fall to the ground on his ass in relief. Seconds later, the surrounding nobles cheer at the spectacle they just witnessed.

Philip could now forgive the missed pun opportunity from earlier. That was easily the most badass thing he'd ever seen. _I don't think I'll tell him that._ He thought. Unfortunately, his mouth disagreed, and out loud he said: "That was easily the most badass thing I've ever seen." _GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!_

Stabbing the sword into the ground beside him, Roy turned to face Phil, shrugging in response. "I honestly can't take credit for that. Guiche was just the Rosalia to my Kirito… After his Valkyrie was Sugou." Roy admits with a smirk.

"...Well, I certainly _hope_ that doesn't mean you'll be yelling his name in private circumstances, but hey, whatever you're into, mate." Philip said. His face, as well as his voice, was flat and serious, but they both knew exactly what he was doing.

"...Hey, if I ever get with someone before him, who knows, maybe I will." Roy states with a shrug, his smirk changing into a smile.

Philip thought he'd _love_ to see Roy try to talk his way out of screaming a man's name during sex _before_ he gets hurt. It would be unlikely to accomplish. Not letting onto this thought process, he shrugged. "Fair enough." He said. "Just don't go burying your sword in anything dirty in the meantime, okay? Those things are _impossible_ to clean sometimes."

"...Knowing you, that was a reference, or innuendo, or something like that, but for the life of me I can't tell which." Roy states with a deadpan expression aimed at his friend.

"In- _your_ -endo."

"So he _can_ do it…" Kirche muttered. She seemed oddly pleased by the fact.

What followed was the crowd of surrounding nobles slowly starting to thin out and return to their daily activities, leaving Guiche to sit on his ass and lament his loss, Roy to talk to Louise about the fight, and Phil to try his best to interact with Kirche without dying of blood loss due to his whole supply winding up in his face; surprisingly, it _had_ gotten somewhat easier. He also tried to make conversation with Tabitha, but got mostly one-word responses. He still liked her.

* * *

 **Key** **: PJ,** _Boblinator_

 _And that's Chapter 2! ...It took a little while, but definitely less time than it usually takes to get out new chapters for our regular stories… -_-_

 **Yeah, tell me about it. I have even less excuses because I have significantly** _ **less**_ **than you.**

 _True enough. Anyways, I'd say this chapter is the first one where we're seeing more "major" changes to canon, as opposed to the first. Sure, OC replacement for Familiars in the first, but that's normal for these stories. This chapter, on the other hand, has "me" getting across to Louise practically right away that I am still very much a_ human being… _Not a mindless Familiar._

 **Whereas I got to start the struggle of portraying both my, at times, crippling social anxiety along with my relentless sarcasm without overdoing one or the other, or making the anxiety look like less of an issue than it really is (granted, since we're working with anime logic rather than real world logic, that was always going to happen). What fun. (I know that sounds sarcastic, but it isn't. I promise.)**

 _Very true. Honestly, the further we get into this, the more is going to change… Especially when we get to the points where we're separated from each other. Like Spring Break, and when "me" and Louise get missions from the princess…_

 **Or even next chapter, if we're being honest. Since Kirche isn't stalking "you", there's no real reason for "me" to be there when you're getting Louise to take you weapon shopping.**

 _No kidding. Anyways, I think that's about it for this chapter… Now to just go over it one more time and then post it on Fanfiction and Ao3… Yeah, for those of you reading it on Fanfiction, it's posted on my account. However, PJ decided it was a good idea to post this story on Archive of our own as a joint story, so it's there as well._

' **Tis my gift to the people of that site… Not that any of them can be arsed to comment currently.** _ **Shrug**_

 _Eh, what're you gonna do. Anyways, that's all for now! Hope you all enjoyed, and see you in the next chapter!_

 ** **Happy Spooktober, scary internet people!****


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